Sunday, August 21, 2011

The New Goddess

College days. Sigh! College days....were boring. But every new class, boy oh boy, every new class was a story. A story with a lead, damsel and a villain. A story with ups and downs and a riveting end. And these stories like many other fables and fiction centred around, hmm, a girl. But no ordinary girl, mind you. No sir, she was a goddess. Actually they were all goddesses. Different class, different goddess.

Every class would begin with the usual fare. I would arrive a tad too early to suit my nonchalant facade. Plant myself at an appropriate slumber-safe position from the board. My eyes would then innocently stray towards the entrance.
An ant line of boys would start pouring in. Why don’t girls opt for the right courses? Ditching them for the fancier electives like Nuclear Physics and Neural Networks. Believe you me, when the world comes crumbling down, it’s this course, Earthquake Hazards, that’ll save your ass. And that it guarantees at least a B, it definitely will save mine.

MCs, BCs are thrown back and forth. “Kya be,” say many to many others as gestures of generic enquiry. “Dekha kya. Mast tha,” say others, curious if the person asked has witnessed the aforementioned ‘mast’ event. The professor makes an uneventful entry marking the end of the ball games. I sigh and seat myself, drawing out a register and my faithful chewed-end cello gripper. The professor starts scribbling from the left end of the blackboard. He’s like a giant typewriter, I smile to myself. My eyes linger to a t-shirt occupying the first bench in the row to my left. Wait a minute, wait just a minute. Who was that?

A smooth cheek. Long hair. The only one with long hair here hasn’t shaved since he switched allegiance to psychedelic. Well, when boys decide to grow their hair. They mean more than the hair on their head. It’s a holistic thing. This person has a smooth cheek and long hair. A small earring with those bead thingies dangles from the one earlobe I can see. A hand is raised. It’s thin, in fact delicate, and tucks the few stray strands of hair behind the visible ear. It’s a she! One ear, one cheek, one eye and one hand. She’s my goddess.

The class is not about Earthquake Hazards anymore. It’s about me, her and our story.

Nobody’s perfect. Beauty is about the little flaws we all have that make us human. Flaws. What flaws? My mind has already relapsed into what I call the Photoshop mode. My subconscious systematically starts airbrushing all the little flaws she has.

Ears too large? They were meant to be that way. Dusky, Dark? Perfect Indian beauty! Pale, Anaemic? Her skin is almost transparent. She’s like Snow White! Frizzy hair? She must work too hard to have time for trivialities. I respect that. Hair perfectly in place? She must work hard on herself, I respect that.

She’s a goddess for god’s sake. Goddesses don’t have flaws. Their flaws define the new rules for perfection. I start feeling a little sad. She’s too perfect. Too out of reach. I, mere human, backbencher, salt of the earth. She, goddess, heavenly beauty, ethereal. Sigh. I fix my gaze upon her. Unaware, she yawns and scratches her nose. I am elated! She has some mortal in her after all. I start fancying my chances.

I cough, down my gaze. Take a deep breath and look back at her. She has turned, she’s turning. She’s going to look back! I gasp. What do I do? What do I do? Make notes? I don’t want to seem like a nerd. So, not make notes? She’ll think I am a ruffian, irresponsible. Oh God. It’s too late. She’s turned. She makes eye contact. She’s making eye contact with..with..with that guy! Psychedelic rock loving, unshaven, lice infested, that guy! I am devastated. My ego sways from side to side and collapses like a drunk. It’s over. Worse, the lecture is not. I’ll have to bear the heartbreak a little longer. It lingers at my chest, hurting, sapping my energy.

So that’s it. She couldn’t be mine. Life isn’t dramatic. Love stories just don’t spawn and blossom in classrooms. Well, not for everyone. (I hope certainly not for psychedelic guy). So, why do I do this? Elevating random girls to godlike status only to be heartbroken four rows behind them, suffering in silence?

I’ll quote Butters Stotch

yeah... and I'm sad! but at the same time I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad... it's like... it makes me feel alive, y'know? It makes me feel human. The only way I could feel this sad now, is if I felt somethin' really good before, so I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feelin' is, like a beautiful sadness...

I checked out her facebook pics. She was not that good. Out of class, 5 out of 10, once I came back to my senses. But I still liked the one in HS-402 Film and Literature. Cute nose. Flawless skin. Childlike but not childish. I’ll have to ace that course to impress her. I’ll work extra hard on my presentations. Will she notice if I don’t bathe? I’ll wear cologne. Which branch is she in? I needed to know. I had to, had to impress my new goddess.

If you love something, set it free
If it comes back, it was meant to be.
If it continues to fly, let it soar
Have faith there’s something better in store
- Anonymous (not me this time)


  1. nice yaar!

    been there, felt that and analyzed like that :)

    "If you love something, set it free
    If it comes back, set it on fire"
    - A friend(not mine)

  2. like a beautiful sadness... :)

  3. Loved every bit of it :). It's the kind of feeling which I'm sure everyone would have gone through, if not less. I guess you curtailed it somehow; would have loved to see more of the intricate details, but this is a masterpiece in itself :)

    Although, i might not totally support the ending lines, for which you know me better. But true to the fact ^_^

  4. Awesome stuff. Speechless. And that part - "She’s a goddess for god’s sake...... She has some mortal in her after all."...... that is just so perfect.
    Beautifully written. Just a request - keep them coming. It's very rarely that you come across stuff to read that is so good and you can still relate to it...... ;)

  5. Nice post .. The beauty of dat diva being described so humorously .. could totally relate to the befuddled mind of an engineer(" IITian" :( ) when he comes across a girl .. in a way made me nostalgic too .. electives were d only class where one used to get an opportunity to ogle at Good Girls ("ARCHItechture" girls) .. IN all, good work dude .. keep writing ..

  6. Lovely!! Hahaha! The flicker of the crush flame within and the beauty of the chick has been descibed so awesomely! Humorous!!

  7. I wish your film and literature prof would have read your story, I'm sure she would have figured out the girl.:) hehe:)Miss the way you used to tell me the story's summary before writing it down.