Author's Note
I
realized I didn't know the name of my grandmother. She was just dadi to
me. It was then that I realized how marriage affected women, dissolving
their identities, abrading their will to be successful. Typically we
chase success because it's a package. Because the winner get's the
money, the girl, the biwi, the bungalow and the gaadi. But what if
success took away some of these things. What would it be like? If you can
picture this situation, then you would get a glimpse of what it feels
like to be a woman. The more they are successful, strong willed,
independent, the less likely they will "adjust" in their new
homes. Ergo, some parents are concerned about the success of both the girl
and the boy child. Concerned, that the boy has enough of it and the
girl, not too much for her own good. The
story is about one such parent, Mrs. Talwar.
Suman’s room:
“Ma, please talk to
daddy. I know you can convince him. At least give it a try!!” said Suman,
sounding exasperated.
“Beta, you know how
your father is. Once he makes up his mind, he doesn’t budge. Besides, he is
just doing what he thinks is best for you,” her mother replied in a soothing
tone.
“But Ma, how can this
be the best? Like I’ve told you a hundred times, my degree is useless without
an MBA. With my BA in history, the best that I can hope is to be a teacher in
some run of the mill secondary school. I don’t want to tell tales of Akbar
& Birbal to pesky eleven year olds!!” replied Suman, her voice rising
involuntarily.
“Do you have any idea
how much this is going to cost us,” said Mrs.Talwar sharply, her voice rising
to match her daughter’s. “This will eat into our savings. Spare a thought for
your parents too, if you can.”
“I know Ma. I know I am
being selfish. But think of it as an investment. You’ll see, in no time the
degree will pay for itself, 10 times over!!” Suman felt she had made her point.
“I know the degree will
pay for itself beta, but not to us,” said Mrs.Talwar.
“What do you mean?”
asked Suman, confused.
“What I mean is that
you’ll be in a different home by the time the MBA gets over. You will be
earning for your own household. What will happen to your old parents then? In a
few years, your father will retire and we’ll have to live out the rest of our
lives off your father’s pensions and savings. Your father has done his best to
give you everything you ever wanted. Suman, it’s now your turn to repay him for
all the affection he has showered on you.” Mrs.Talwar fell silent as she saw
her daughter plunge into thought.
Suman mulled over what her mother had said.
The frustration and anger she had felt earlier was now replaced by guilt. She
felt ashamed of how easily she had overlooked the wellbeing of her parents. The
expression on her face cleared into a look of determination as she made up her
mind. She would not be an ungrateful child who would use her parents as
stepping stones. “You are right Ma, nothing is more important than you guys.
The MBA can wait.” “I knew my daughter would understand. We are so proud of
you!” said Mrs.Talwar as she hugged her.
The Drawing Room:
“So, did you talk to
her?” Mr.Talwar shouted over his shoulder as he flicked through news channels
on TV.
“Yes I did," replied Mrs.Talwar.
“So, what did she say?”
“She says she doesn’t
want to do an MBA after graduation.”
“What! What do
you mean she doesn’t want to? Only yesterday I saw her poring over a brochure
for a private B-school,” shouted Mr.Talwar in disbelief.
“She said she’s lost
interest in it after she went over the curriculum in detail. Ma, I would die if
I have to study so much, she said to me,” Mrs.Talwar explained.
“Kids these days,” Mr.Talwar sighed, shaking
his head, “they’re never sure what they want to do in life. I tell you, you can
never become anyone in life if you are so indecisive.”
“Now, don’t you criticize our daughter like
that? You know very well that she took up history only because you wanted
her to. Only I know how she has struggled to keep up with the course. Studying
day and night to pass her exams,” Mrs.Talwar defended her daughter.
“I guess you are right.
I always wanted her to do an MBA. I would have loved to see her work for a big
MNC. But more than that, I wanted to make her independent, truly emancipated.
But I guess you have to let your kids make their own choices. As long as she is
happy, I am happy.” Mr.Talwar sighed resignedly.
Mrs. Talwar’s Bedroom:
Mrs.Talwar admired
herself in the mirror. For most of her life, Smita had been Mrs.Talwar, having
been married off by her parents when she was 22. She remembered how men in
those days wanted their wives to be at least or sometimes at most to be metric
pass. Clever enough to add two and two but not wise enough to assert
themselves. Times had changed since then. Now men were comfortable with the
fact that their wives could be educated. Able enough to assist their husbands,
but not shrewd enough to question them. These were terrible times. Social order was crumbling. Marriages were falling apart. She strongly felt the
onus was on the wives to make the marriage succeed. Smita pitied these silly
girls. In her 25 years of marriage, her husband had hardly complained about her
cooking, or how she ran the household. What more could a woman ask for? At the
dawn of her old age, she felt like the most accomplished woman in the world.
She was happy, and wanted her daughter to be just as much.
Love Will Follow: Why The Indian Marriage Is Burning by Shaifali Sandhya